An Ode to Teachers

You want a target for the cause of the condition of our educational system? There are plenty of easy candidates. But take teachers off the table. Not because I am married to a teacher, nor because I know many of them. Take them off the table because they are one of the great hopes for reformation in classroom. Yes, some are tired and overwhelmed and some of them have had enough. But they give and invest more in their profession than almost anyone else I know. They pay out of their pocket for much of what they use to accomplish their jobs. They have cultural, behavioral and linguistic challenges unknown to previous generations.

But the primary reason for taking teachers out of the target zone is that they hamstrung. They are tied to a governing standardized test. In Illinois it is the ISAT. Schools live and die by the ISAT. It governs everything that happens in the school. It is this test that determines their AYP, annual yearly progress. If a school doesn’t make the expected AYP they are put on a watch list. If they don’t make it in two or more years there are punitive measures waiting to fall on them. The result is teachers teach test. Period. Creativity is drained from the classroom, exploration doesn’t have any room there because if the scores aren’t high enough the consequences fall. The environment is almost pure anxiety. There is a charged atmosphere where everyone is on edge. Teachers can’t be teachers; they can’t express their personality and creativity. They are anchored to a sinking rock.

There ought to be standards, but they need to make sense. There has to be recognition that not every child or every school will move at the same pace. And we need standards that encourage teachers, administrators and school to move forward creativity, not sink down out of anxiety.

Reasons, Not Excuses

Just a personal note. When I write about the transition I am in and share some of the events involved, I am not trying give excuses. I have little use for excuses. Excuses are past oriented. Excuses are exercises in avoidance. Excuses rarely lead to growth or maturity.

I am not trying dodge my responsibility in my situation. If you are looking for the person who is the cause, look no further. I am though avidly examining the reasons for being here. Reasons are forward oriented, they lead hopefully to growth and understanding. Reasons can help you create a map to a more mature place. Reason helps you move forward, excuse just helps you re-plow the ground.

My daily impassioned prayer is that all my mistakes will be new ones.

Confessions of a Substitue Teacher

While I am waiting and looking for the stage of my life to begin I have been staying somewhat occupied by substitute teaching for three districts in my area. I love it. I really do. If I could pay the bills by subbing I would do it for the next 10 years.

I have subbed for everything from 1st grade Art to AP Chemistry. I have done gym, band and - wait for it – sewing. Actually I am pretty good at sewing since my wife is active and avid seamstress. I know a bobbin from a presser foot. I love Junior High. I have enjoyed every assignment I have received. But having this up close view of education has been profoundly disturbing. Beyond the fact No Child Left Behind has simply not worked, (another post for another time) somehow we have taken the greatest opportunity for personal elevation and are transforming it into a glorified daycare.

We give children the opportunity to learn, develop, explore, expand and stretch their minds for free. Yeah, yeah there are minimal fees handed out. But we give this to every child. Every child is welcome. And we are wasting it.

Being a sub means you are simply a place holder. Make sure the class doesn’t implode while the teacher is off somewhere else. It also means you get a level behavior and cooperation that is one or two or ten rungs lower than they would try with their regular teacher. No problem, expected, bring it on. What seems to be transcendent is that we expect less from the students. Sub or no sub, we demand less from our children. We expect rowdy behavior. We expect excuses for not doing the work. We don’t hold them or ourselves accountable for not meeting the standards. I cannot tell you many times I have heard the line “This is hard!” Whether it is reading Shakespeare or grasping Geometry, it is just too hard. Hey, it is suppose be hard! This is school! My standard response to this cry is “Well you didn’t come to school to learn how to button your shirt.”

There are students all across the globe that taking every advantage their education affords them. They do not cry foul at the expectations made of them. And they are passing us by. If we do not change the culture of our education system it won’t be the children being left behind it will be our country.

No Hands On the Wheel

So why resign? What causes a ministry to end? What could I have done to move me to resign from a church that I had served for eight years? And it is a good church. Naperville Covenant is congregation of incredibly talented people who love Jesus and one another.

So what did I do? I crossed a line, I stepped over a boundary. No, not that one. Not that one either. And no, definitely not that one. In turmoil I made a series of poor decisions. (No, I am not going to go into specifics.) And since no decision can be made in isolation the impact has been felt by too many people. I owned the decisions and came to the conclusion that it was time to leave. So here I am searching for the next stage. What that stage will look like I am still not sure. But I know this; decisions often have longer life spans than you might have first believed.

(Do I blame the church or its leadership? No. Absolutely not. In fact they have been more than gracious and supportive.)

The question I have been dealing with from a multitude of directions is how did I get to the place that I could make those decisions? The short answer is that I didn’t have my hands on the wheel. I didn’t take care of myself. I pooh-poohed the idea of self care. Just push through it, ignore the signs that were mounting. Gut it out, work harder. And don’t under any circumstances ask for help. Was I (am I) burned out? Nope, I went into the ditch.

I do not believe in using this blog as cathartic forum. I am not looking for sympathy. But I also know that I am not alone in ministry, in my tribe or any tribe. I write this so you don’t follow me into the ditch. The chaos that results doesn’t go away in 6 months. What is it about the way I did ministry, the way many of us conduct ministry that is toxic to our lives? How can we ignore the spiritual, emotional, familial and relational needs we have, claiming we are doing the work of God? To blame it on the popular corporate model of church is too easy. No one at Naperville Covenant ever said I wasn’t working hard enough.

I have some ideas, which I will share in the days to come. But to begin with I just refused to pay attention. The signals were there, I just refuse to give them their due. I didn’t take care of business. And I and my family have paid the price. There are no easy answers or quick solutions, but there are answers and solutions.

Well, this enough for now.

On the back side of chaos

So what gives? July 24 of last year is the last posting? Where have I been?

Hmmm, what to say? What not to say? Simply put I, along with my family, am negotiating the waters of transition and change. I resigned from my church at the end of last August. It was a good decision made at a bad time because of a multitude of choices on all sides. Oh yeah I contributed to it. But that was then and this is now.

Why not write about it then - why wait until now? Because I had the overwhelming sense to be quiet for a time. Not an easy task for me, but it was the right one. I could have written and talked about this event, but I may have said the wrong things for the wrong reasons. I am in a calmer place.

So over the next few days and weeks I will post about the chaotic waters we have been and in many respect still are moving through. I pray that for the most part we are on the back side of chaos.