Going All the Way 5.0

One of the things that may be helpful to know about me is that I am mildly (well maybe a little more than mildly) ADD. Which means that I am easily distracted and can lose interest quickly. So now that I have made it two thirds of the book I am starting to waiver a little. I am just saying it is probably more me than the book.

What Craig is saying in this section is good, it is not new or ground breaking. He tries to say it in a novel way to ensure the attention of the reader. In doing this he sometimes goes a little farther that I enjoy, but I am also little crustier than he is. He is dealing with the three essential priorities of marriage, the "big rocks" that have to be in place first if they are going to be priorities they deserve to be. The first priority is that next Jesus your spouse is the highest priority in your life. Obvious but not widely practiced. He grounds each priority with
Biblical references and examples.

The second big rock is that you pursue your spouse your whole marriage. He makes the observation that too often we only pursue what we do not have. Once in hand we stop pursuing, we get a little lazy in our relationship. In marriage you can lose what you have have so pursuit becomes a lifetime activity. Craig is unapologetically traditional in his thinking that it is the man who pursue and the woman who attracts. Some might bristle at this concept, but the over all principle is sound, you can never take this relationship for granted.

I have rarely read a book that keeps me engaged on every page. Every book has it highs and lows for me. For me this was one of the points whereI had to work to keep focused.

Going All The Way 4.0

This is the first book by Craig Groeschel I have read, so I don't know if this is his natural style or if this is how he has chosen to write this particular book. I say this because if you are looking for an academic tome on marriage keep looking, this isn't it. But if you are looking for a frank conversation about the issues of dating and marriage with someone who has been there. Buy the book. (By the way, the picture is Craig, and not me, it is so not me.)

In the middle of the book he deal with two dicey issues. How do you break up with someone and how do you start over when you have blown it badly. Craig repeatedly indicates that all relationships ought to move towards marriage and if they are not moving that direction then they ought to be ended. I am not comfortable with that assumption. Not every relationship is obvious as to its direction. But he is clear, compassionate and helpful in showing how to, in grace, conclude a relationship. He does points out that if there is are unhealthy elements in your relationship and they are not being resolved, then it needs to be concluded. It will only get worse.

What if you have blown it, seriously blown it. He spends a lot of time biblically making the case for grace, forgiveness and restoration. He has personal experience which he judicially shares to make his point. His experience is also not limited to his own story, but his story is extensive. He points to those who he knows and has worked with and not all stories have happy endings. he touches all the bases, confession, forgiveness, starting over, relapses, strength for the long haul.


It has been my experience in working with couples getting married that they have a lot of white noise going on in their heads as they prepare for "their day". This book may be on of the more effective tools to get through the noise and have them actually think about some issues other than colors and what chair covers to order.

One Friday Night

On a Friday evening I am waiting at an Osco pharmacy for people I have never met. I got a call from the Naperville Police Department that this couple needed help. One of my distinct pleasures is to be a chaplain for the Police Department. You get to know the officers, go along on death calls, go to roll calls and once in a while do a ride-a-long. Once when I was riding as long with a sergeant they captured a bank robber. My job was to sit in the car and wait. I did it with distinction. The guy wasn’t going to win any prizes for ingenuity. Nonetheless when the social workers are home or not available they call the chaplains to respond to the needs that float in.

Normally people come with fairly straight forward needs, a night at the local motel we have an arrangement with, gas cards, food cards, train money. This gentleman needed medication for his emphysema and it just happened that the cycle of social security payments hits at the wrong time. Too much month not enough medication. His wife works for a grocery store (next to my church) in the deli, and has for 18 years. They live at motel in the area, no where near the level of Holiday Inn Express. What surprised was they have lived in this motel for 5 years. 5 years! That stunned me. Who lives in a motel for 5 years? They are holding their own but they can’t get ahead. To move into a one bedroom apartment would be a dream come true.

I paid for their medication and had them follow me to police station and then I went retrieved one food card and two gas cards. When I gave them the gas cards you would have thought I have gave them a 50 inch plasma TV. They were so grateful; it was as if they had breathing room for the first time in who knows how long. He can hardly walk and she was dead on her feet. He would work if he could and she worked as many hours as she could get. She works every holiday because it is almost triple time. It is obvious they love each other and have decades. They are just hanging on, so they hang on to each other.

As a Chaplain you put a lot of bandages on problems and issues, knowing that whatever you do is just temporary. The people you deal with are transitory and you probably will never see them again. They are grateful for what you give them, but you know that they will be looking for help somewhere else tomorrow. Friday night was a little different. This couple, they weren’t the least of these; they were the ones loved by God. For me, it was a very good night.

Going All the Way 3.0

When you think of relationships and marriage in our culture, the first topic that comes to minds for most people is sex. Our culture is drowning in this issue. You can’t sell a product without some sexual overtone. This is the issue Craig Groschel tackles head on in the next two chapters of his book. Without apology or excuse he clearly lays out what course a couple needs to take if they want to honor God and each other in their relationship.

The first of the two chapters deals with the issue of sexuality in general and what limits to place on the relationship. Again he uses his own experiences liberally along with the people he has worked with. In short his message is to wait. Even to passionately kiss. Yes that seems extreme but it is the path he believes is the best one for couple to ensure they receive the blessing of God. He pulls no punches in his convictions. Some may find this chapter naïve, but in a culture such as ours his message is refreshing and necessary.

He continues on next with the issue of living together. He is without reservation against the trend that even close to 50% of Christian couples seem to have little problem with living together. He lays out his case clearly and convincingly that living together is a mistake, one that probably will wreck the entire relationship. Again this is practical book with sound advice and vivid illustration. These two chapters can be read by those who are in the faith and those who have no relationship with Jesus and both will walk away with something to think about.

Going All the Way 2.0

So far the book has not disappointed. It is not great book, there are just a precious few of those, but it is good book. Again it is a book couples will actually read, which is encouraging.

His chapter on dating has the most helpful conversation on why a Christian should not date someone who is not committed to Christ that I have read. It is clear and lucid and convincing. This is one section I will liberally share in my congregation. He draws heavily on his own experience and the experiences of those he has dealt with. He backs up is position anecdotally not statistically. Not all of the advice I would endorse 100%, primarily because he is so focused on relationships ending in marriage.

He continues on with how the “courting/dating process” ought to proceed with the metaphor of moving through the gears, and not running the bases. He is pretty clear on the difference. Again this is drawn from his personal story with additions from other lives. He guidelines he lays down are fair strict and to some they may appear to be unrealistic. But he has a goal in mind and see these limits has being essential. He offers clear and often very cogent thoughts on how the relationship ought to progress. If you read this book you are not going to agree with everything but you will understand what he is shooting for.

I also serious doubt that there is movie he has not seen, which only makes it better for me.

Music in My Life

I need more music in my life. Right there is none. My two favorite radio stations are WGN and ESPN1000. Milt Rosenberg rocks! I have tried to listen to the plethora radio options up and down on my AM/FM dial but usually I need to stop quickly. I just can't go there.

But I have this unwavering feeling that I may not as well rounded I ought to be without more music in my life. A few gaps in my make up. Something of cultural Neanderthal. So I am trying some online stations in my office. The first few explorations - whoa momma - help me Jesus!! That was bad. So now I am starting with classical and that's nice. Calm, soothing and it actually sounds like music.

If you have suggestions I am open, no Bjork please, but mostly I am open. My friend Don likes something or someone who goes by the name of "Over the Rhine". So let me know what might be good to listen to.

"Going All The Way"1.0

Wandering around the blogosphere I often check out LifeChurch.tv and what Craig Groeschel has to say. One day I saw that he was giving away free copies of his new book to those who would blog about it. I am all about free books and I have done numerous weddings over the years, so it seemed like a match made in heaven. I got the book and now it is time to do my part. I also checked out to see who has already blogged about this book and for the most part they read the whole thing and then gave their impressions. I would rather walk through the book and think about it a couple of chapters at a time.

First - an over all impression. It is not hard read, which is a huge bonus since most couples preparing for a wedding are already way over the edge with everything they have to do. This is book they will actually read. This is not a simplistic book, it just reads well. More like having a conversation with a couple of friends. Craig, Rev. Groeschel, Groeschel - hmmm, what to call him since I know about him but don't know him personally. I'll go with Craig, he has a comfortable and familiar style of communicating, he talks with you, not at you.

The first chapter is a nice introduction to Craig and his style and intentions. He is open and forthcoming about his assumptions and foundations, but he draws you into his thinking and starts the conversation on how to marriage that "goes all the way" in all the arenas of life and for all the years of your life.

In the second chapter he lays out his primary assumption. To have a great marriage you have to have a great relationship with Jesus. I agree. He convincing lays out the reasons for this and then shares his own story candidly but not graphically. What you get in this book is a sense of how real Craig is about his passions and his beliefs. Sometimes he gets a little loopy, but I like loopy.

Some of the free books you get are free for a reason. So far this book is worth the price tag on the cover.

One Hour!

For the second year in a row our annual meeting has lasted one hour! We passed the budget, elected the officers and approved the intern for 2008, all with little or no difficulty. Zip in and out. Our reporting meeting comes in January, and receives even less attention. We had more than enough individuals come out for the quorum, and the power point went as intended. Slick and easy.

Which for me is great. But I wonder if it is good for the church? Sometimes it is hard to differentiate between positive affirmation and apathy on the part of those at the meeting. Oh sure we passed the budget, now we have to reach the budget. Great we have full slate of people who are willing to serve, which means that I don't have to go to the meetings. Quick meetings are not always a sign of confidence. A little scrappiness might demonstrate engagement and passion for the mission. It have been that we were well prepared and communicated the issues well a head of time so most of the congregation has had an opportunity to make their opinions known.

Another interesting observation is that with the exception of one or two in the room most of us at the meeting were tipping the age demographic more towards the golden years. Younger people have little interest in these meetings. They do not see meetings as the way to advance the kingdom. They are far more interested in actually doing the work rather than discussing the work. They do not see the meetings as the gates for permission to do ministry. Organizational niceties don't register much interest on their part.

Which raises the question for me of is this the best way to govern a church? Congregational polity requires the voice of the congregation and they for the most part are absent; we keep the quorum gate low - 10% of the membership and last night we hit 15%. Most of the church family doesn't seem to be engaged in the governing of the church. Of course we have not done anything remarkably stupid to require their attention, but for the most part they leave it to us. I pray that it reflects their confidence in our leadership and not their apathy.

But one hour meetings once in a while are nice. Very nice.

How do we get the word out - 2.0

If I challenge how we communicate in our denomination, then I ought to look at how I communicate in our church. If I am frustrated with how we as a tribe get the word, I confess I am also frustrated as to how we as a congregation get the word out. Both internally and externally.

Externally we try to use the extensive signage on our property, purchase temporary signage, mailing, newspaper ads and handouts given to our congregation to share with their friends and neighbors. And we use our website. We try to keep the website current and interesting for those who do not a part of our church. How do we do? Well, I would give us a "C", because we try hard and we are really nice. Effective? I honestly don't know? Sometimes because people tell us, but not stellar.

Internally there is the website, bulletins, e-mails, verbal announcements and signs strategically placed around the church building. Again we try to keep all information sources current and engaging. Here I would give us a "C+" because we try so hard and we are really nice. And we cover the majority of our congregation. Which is good. What keeps us from getting an "A"? It is easy to blame others, or point figures. I know that my congregation can read, I have seen them do it! But is the message compelling or inviting? Is it attractive and creative? Information is critical and I need to spend the time and resources to make sure it get to the people I intend. It is also not as expensive as you might assume. It does take effort. But it is not an option.

Questions raised to others ought to be raised to myself. The questions are valid and they require answers. It is okay if those answers are not easy or take time, but they ought to be pursued.

Am I A Shirker?

My small group is walking through a book which is sparking all kinds of discussion. The book is "Death By Suburb" by David Goetz. I highly recommend it you. You won't like parts of it, but that is what makes for a great book in my opinion.

The last chapter we looked at rung my bell. I live in a results oriented culture. If you do something there ought to be a commensurate return. If I invest in A, then B had better happen. Across the board results matter. In the home, in the workplace, in the school, in the marketplace and in the spiritual realm we produce results. And if we don't then we had better find out why. Results are expected. If avenue one fails to produce, then move to avenue two, and then to three and then to four.

But Goetz challenges this notion. He says in working with those who are in need, results are not the issue, being with them is. Working with those who are in need will be frustrating because results are not forthcoming. The person coming out of jail may go back to jail, the immigrant family may not get their act together, people in drugs relapse all the time. We might not be able to make them better. They might get worse in spite of our valiant efforts. In violation of our expectations obedience to God does not always produce results. So we often turn away to other more "worthy" Christian efforts like Bible Studies or spiritual discipline where we can see progress. Goetz call us "shirkers" because we choose to ignore what we are called to do. We shirk our responsibility. It is too messy, too frustrating, too draining, too unsatisfying. To which Goetz says "so?" To reach the "thicker" life in Christ, a deeper mature faith, requires doing those things which may not produce results but are acts of simple obedience to Jesus.

Am I a shirker? Have I decided that it is not worth my time and effort to touch those who will not make any measurable improvement? An audit of my calendar does not bode well.

So how do we get the word out?

The Covenant Companion came to my house this week, and I was wandering through the pages and came that annual reporting requirement for all magazines. I like numbers so I was scrolling through the list and discovered that they only publish 12,326 copies of issue. 98% of them are paid for (nice) and mailed to various destinations. 12,326 copies per month to a denomination that has in excess 150,000 attendance. This means that less than 10% of the denominational family receive the magazine. Okay, more if all the family members in the house read the magazine, which doesn't seem likely. So just for fun say it is 15% of the family reads this magazine. 85% don't.

Now consider that less than 30% of churches sent representatives to the annual meeting this year, where the primary business of our collective family is executed. This is where we set the budget, call missionaries, ordain and license pastors and determine the priorities of what we will pay attention to and invest our energies. 70% don't send anyone.

Now my question is not worth or value of either these entities. They serve a purpose. No my question is how do we communicate as a church family? How does the word get out to all 150,000 of us. How are we aware of the passions and priorities of the leadership. Oh sure there are mailings that are to be included in the bulletins of the church. I have served the church long enough to know that a minority of the congregation read the bulletins and the inserts are more often ignored. Is the burden of communication primarily placed on the pastors? If that is true I wonder how effective that is?

In an age of digital communication and Web 2.0 why aren't these newer avenues employed more often? Surely the great majority of churches have Internet access. But even if it s only 60% that is better than the other mediums presently used. Then you snail mail the information to the other 40% which reduces the mailing costs. The Covenant Companion can be become digital. Some of the magazines I subscribe to have ceased being a paper product and are downloaded. These tools need to be developed and used.

But how will we communicate? This is another thorny issue for the new president of the church. Shared ideas hold us together and the only way they become shared is to communicate them. So in this age how do we get the word out?

Do I like this or don't I

Over at Church Relevance there is a post about LIFEChurch in Texas and how they got 3500 people to show up at their Family Fun Fest. They average around 350 - 400 people in worship but they got 10 times that to come to their party. "They used the power of free stuff and contests. Free doesn’t always work; people must actually want what you are giving away. But it worked for LIFEchurch because they not only gave away stuff that people want, they gave away stuff that people are crazy about." They gave away Hannah Montana tickets which I guess are the hottest thing going along with Dallas Cowboy tickets and Maverick tickets. They gave away iPods (nanos). And it worked. The post adds this caveat: "Free stuff won’t make your church great. But if your church is already great, it can help grow your church faster because good free stuff attracts big crowds, and great churches get the crowds to stay."

When I finished this post I had this little conversation with myself. I like it... but well maybe I don't. Great idea... but I'm not sure it's a good idea. We have held block parties that have cost our church upwards of $5,000, and we have given away skate boards and bikes, and apparently I had no trouble with it then. So why does this seem different to me? I don't have a reason. Their motivation seems right on: "Their goal was to invest into the community and use the event as a bridge for the church to build relationships with local residents." I guess I wonder if this is what we have to do in order to capture the attention of our communities. The price tag is not big deal to me, they spent better than $15,000 to touch lives. Money is the most renewable resource we have. I don't know... but there is something that is a little unsettling to me. What do you think?

What are we going to do?

So what is our response when someone vigorously stands against what we passionately live for? Now you are wondering what is he talking about? On December 7th a major film is being released, “The Golden Compass”. It is an adaptation of the book by Phillip Pullman, one of “His Dark Materials Trilogy” he has written. And if you look at the trailers it is exciting and classic story of young girl who fights against evil to save all creation. It is an elaborate film and seemingly well done.

The problem comes in the foundations of the film. There is a sinister organization called the "Magisterium" who wants to control the world, which is of course a thinly veiled reference to the church. Phillip Pullman is an atheist, big surprise. He is against all things Christian. He has indicated he wants to kill God in the minds of children, and one sources has claimed that he is “the most dangerous author in Britain”. Christians have been roused to stand against this film. While the film is toned down in its anti-Christian rhetoric, the fear is that this film will be so attractive that children will buy the books and this will indeed kill God in their minds. Well the books have already sold 15 million copies worldwide, that horse has already left the barn. Will more be sold? I am sure because the film looks good and it probably will do well at the box office. The secular world loves these books and has bestowed honors and awards on them. Even if they do contain elements which are disturbing.

So what are we to do about this? Frankly if we raise a ruckus that will have the opposite effect we want, creating a curiosity factor that will cause more people go and the see the film, encouraging the studios to make the other two books into successful films. They create these films to make money. So what do we do? Boycott the films and forbid our children to see it? Tell our friends not go? Fine don’t go, spend the money on something else more beneficial. But do not lose heart over this. Remember the Da Vinci Code? Remember all the damage that was supposed to have caused? In the end not much. Remember what Jesus said, "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.” John 15: 18-19.

Here is the bottom line. This is just a film. Nothing more. So it’s anti-Christian, why is that surprising? So Phillip Pullman does not like us, neither does Richard Dawkins nor a host of other people in this world. Jesus told us to expect that. We are called to love them and act with compassion and grace towards them. If you run across someone who has seen the film ask them what they thought and talk about it. Engage them in a real conversation. Let them see us living as those who belong to Jesus. Let them experience Jesus in us. That is the best possible course of action we can take. So relax it's just a film.

Good Questions

My friend Don (http://www.jibstay.blogspot.com/) is asking some great questions about what is the future role of denominational leadership in the coming years. I like the way he frames the issues, and he always seems to be nicer when he raises these questions than I do. We are now at a nodal point because we have opportunity to choose the leadership for the next decade and beyond.

So what is the role of the president of a denomination in an environment where denominations are seeing their influence and impact diminish? Where, as Don indicates, denominations aren't a deciding factor in choosing a church, brand loyalty does not exist any longer? What does it mean to lead a church body where even the connections to the member churches are not as a strong as they once were? The Evangelical Covenant Church is not going away any time soon. Nor should it, but this maybe the time to see if we can't leap ahead of the curve.

While much of the of task of being president is raising the necessary funds to accomplish the mission and priorities of the denomination, maybe this is the season for the president to be the one casting a galvanizing vision for the church - aggressively. Not limiting the communication of this vision to the annual family gatherings or the family magazine. Perhaps he could cast this vision and utilize the technology for this age, podcasts and YouTube. He could make unexpected visits to congregations simply to say thank you and listen to their priorities and only then give then his passion for what is to come. However this new administration chooses to employ the tools of this century, this person needs to be voice that passionately unites us toward what is our mission. This person can and needs to ignite our imaginations. This person needs to be a voice that you can agreee or disagree with, but you cannot ignore.